by Alyce Barry –
As many of you know, I’ve been a caregiver for my elderly mother for the past few years. She died on September 2, and I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned about grieving. [Read more…]
Bring your true self out of the shadows and into the light
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by Alyce Barry –
As many of you know, I’ve been a caregiver for my elderly mother for the past few years. She died on September 2, and I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned about grieving. [Read more…]
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By Alyce Barry
One definition of a paradox is “a statement that is seemingly contradictory . . . and yet is perhaps true.”
So it seems that the following statement contains a paradox: “Each of us is a separate individual, and we are all connected.”
How can both be true? How can we be discrete individuals and connected at the same time?
Using the Shadow Work Model, it isn’t difficult to explain how both can be true.
The Model is based on the belief that there are four parts of the self — four “flavors” of the life energy that streams constantly through us — which we call Sovereign, Magician, Lover, and Warrior.
Each part of the self has its own purposes and priorities, and hence has its own point of view. The seemingly contradictory statements are simply the differing points of view of different parts of the self — a very useful perspective I learned years ago in the Basic Facilitator Training (BFT) and have thought about a lot recently.
SEPARATE AND CONNECTED
“Each of us is a separate individual” is the Warrior’s point of view. The Warrior is the part of us that sets boundaries and values what we call “reality.” On the plane we call “reality,” my Warrior says, Even if someone I love dies, I can go on living, because there’s a boundary between my loved one and me; we are separate individuals.
As someone who lives much more often in my Magician energy than in my Warrior, I don’t enjoy thinking this way very much. It seems like a lonely point of view.
Lonely, at least, until I reframe it as my Warrior protecting the vulnerable child part of me, the Lover. One of the Warrior’s jobs is to protect the Lover.
And so it happened that, when my mother died last fall, it was my Warrior’s job to remind me of the boundary between my mother and me. It reminded me that I wasn’t the one who was dying, that my mother’s death wouldn’t bring about my own death, because she and I are separate individuals. Though it wasn’t true of my mother’s death, I can imagine a person going down into death as a result of the death of a loved one.
Many people who have suffered a loss, however, take comfort from the Magician’s point of view that “we are all connected.”
“We are all connected” is the Magician’s point of view. The Magician is the part of us that knows and gets perspective and values what some people call “spirit.” On the plane we call “spirit,” my Magician says, When my mother died, our connection didn’t end because we are all connected. My Magician, which can do a certain amount of time traveling and other forms of magic, reminded me that when I remember my mother, she is still alive in a sense, and also that I can bring her back to life in ritual space in a Shadow Work® container if I want to talk to her about something.
WOUNDEDNESS AND CHOICE
In remembering the months I spent with my mother, I’ve come across two more examples of this difference between Warrior eyes and Magician eyes.
Was my mother capable of change? Or was she incapable of making different choices because of the ways in which she was wounded emotionally?
“She could have changed if she’d wanted to” seems to be the Warrior’s point of view. The Warrior is the part of us that takes responsibility for our “stuff” and finds the courage to do it. The Warrior is also the part of us that sets a boundary between our various options for taking action and makes a choice, thereby discarding or “killing” all other possible choices. From the Warrior’s point of view, my mother was responsibility for herself and for her decisions and might have made different choices.
But the Magician has a very different point of view. With its perspective on her emotional issues and her capacity to take risks and pursue change, my Magician says, She could no more have changed than she could have flown to the moon.
MISTAKES
Another example of the difference between Warrior eyes and Magician eyes is how we think about mistakes.
When we take action that seems to hurt us in some way, was it a mistake?
I think “We make mistakes” is the Warrior’s point of view. The Warrior sees a boundary between decisions that help us and decisions that hurt us and relegates the latter to the category of “mistakes.” The Warrior seems to believe that we could have made a different decision if we’d wanted to.
I think the Magician has a different point of view. “There are no mistakes,” it says. “Each decision we make is based on all that we are in that moment, and we couldn’t have been anyone but ourselves in that moment.” From the Magician’s point of view, a mistake is a decision that didn’t bring us what we truly wanted. The Magician sees the long view in which our life goals are significant, and it can assess each decision we make in light of those goals and whether the decision served those goals or not.
Alyce Barry is a Certified Shadow Work® Group Facilitator and Coach in Evanston, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. She is the author of Practically Shameless.
This article originally appeared in our free email newsletter in February 2012. To subscribe, visit our subscription page.
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By Cliff Barry and Vicki Woodard
This article describes a variety of ways in which you can lend support to Rhonda and John Gaughan as John undergoes medical treatment.
Please take a moment to read through the possibilities listed below. There are plenty of ways to help without traveling.
Please use the “Share with a friend” link to email any of your family, colleagues, and friends who might find this of interest.
We are all so grateful for all that John and Rhonda have given of themselves to so many people in our networks. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Cliff Barry and Vicki Woodard
Shadow Work Seminars, Inc.
SPECIAL BENEFIT WEEKEND, INCLUDING
“INTRODUCTION TO THE SHADOW TYPES”
MARCH 30 – APRIL 1, 2012
HOUSTON, TEXAS
Come learn YOUR shadow type and at the same time contribute to Rhonda and John Gaughan.
The Introduction to Shadow Types Training offers the opportunities to see unique relationships between the four archetypal energies (Sovereign, Lover, Magician and Warrior) in your life. Knowing your Shadow Type helps honor your personal strengths and to understand your shadows in a new light. Each person attending will have the chance to do Centerwork, an individual process within the group, during which you will explore a life issue with the assistance of master facilitators and the group. In doing so, you are able to reconstruct the issue and view your shadow objectively, thus gaining new perspectives and freedom of choice.
Schedule
Friday evening: Check-in and container-building
Saturday (all day): Intro to Shadow Types Training
Sunday (all day): Centerwork processes
(limited number available)
Costs
$215 for Friday evening and Saturday’s training with Cliff Barry, Shadow Work® Founder
$175 for a Centerwork process (limited number available)
OR
$350 for both ($40 savings)
All proceeds from the weekend will be donated to the Gaughans to help pay for John’s medical expenses and care.
SHADOW TYPE SURVEY
When you register, you will receive the Shadow Types Survey to complete ahead of time and the results will be interpreted at the workshop.
Even if you can’t attend, you can still take the survey and receive an interpretation of your results by a Certified Shadow Worker over the phone for $125. To register for this option, please email Cliff Barry at shadowwk@frii.com.
TO REGISTER FOR THIS SPECIAL BENEFIT WEEKEND
Please use PayPal following these steps:
Financial challenges? For people who want to contribute and participate in the ISTT but have financial challenges, please contact Sally at salbart@mac.com or (713) 906-9808 to make arrangements.
For questions or additional information about the weekend, contact Sally at salbart@mac.com or (713) 906-9808.
DONATIONS OF $1 – $499
Another way to support the Gaughans is by making a donation.
Please send donations of $1-$499 directly to:
Rhonda Gaughan
42357 Richard Waguespack Road
Gonzales LA 70737
OR
Use PayPal to send a *gift*:
(Note: Rhonda pays no PayPal fee when you send it as a gift.)
DONATIONS OF $500 OR MORE CAN BE TAX DEDUCTIBLE
Your donation of $500 or more can be tax-deductible if you contact Cliff Barry at shadowwk@frii.com or by phone at 1-303-530-2840.
HOST YOUR OWN FUNDRAISER
Another way to help is by hosting your own fundraiser for Rhonda and John. Please contact Cliff Barry at shadowwk@frii.com or by phone at 1-303-530-2840.
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Cliff Barry is a Shadow Work® Founder, Certified Coach, Facilitator, Trainer and Mentor. Vicki Woodard is a Certified Shadow Work® Coach, Facilitator, Trainer and Mentor. Cliff and Vicki are married and live in Boulder, Colorado. Read more about Cliff and Vicki.
This article originally appeared in our free email newsletter in March 2012. To subscribe, visit our subscription page.
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By Alyce Barry
When I see rainwater flowing down the side of a street or crossing a sidewalk before my feet, I feel a sudden, inexplicable joy, and there’s a sensation in my chest as if my heart has literally been lifted up.
I’ve been aware of this reaction for some years and have so far been unable to determine the precise reason. I’ve wanted to write about it and have felt fear that I wouldn’t have anything profound, or even interesting, to say about it. It’s such a simple thing.
I know that, as a small child, I played happily for hours in rainwater that streamed down the gutter beside the street we lived on. I built infrastructure with sticks, rocks and mud, forming dams, reservoirs and waterfalls. Perhaps my reaction to rainwater is simply the remnant of a happy memory of play. Certainly such a small trickle of water was under my control, even when I was quite small. Perhaps that’s significant: maybe it was a pivotal early experience of creativity or even mastery of my environment.
I remember reading that Carl Jung, the psychiatrist who first coined the expression “the human shadow,” took great pleasure in damming a small stream on his Bollingen property in Switzerland; he spent hours constructing obstacles and waterfalls and called the area his “water works.” A neighbor boy is said to have reported gleefully to his parents that Dr. Jung liked to play in the water just as the boy did.
This association of water with childhood seems fitting, since of the four primary parts of the self described in the Shadow Work® Model, the Lover part of us both contains our inner child and is associated with water. We spend our first nine months of life in water.
I get the greatest sensation of joy when the street or sidewalk beneath the stream of water is brown, and not gray, as streets and sidewalks sometimes are. Perhaps that means something.
Perhaps the simplicity of the experience is also significant: seeing a trickle of rainwater is such a simple pleasure, I wondered if maybe other people also feel this joy and never think to mention it?
That seems unlikely, though, because it was shockingly difficult to find a suitable photo. Grateful thanks to Dennis Hartwell for locating and purchasing this wonderful picture of rainwater in a street gutter, which is the best I’ve seen so far.
AWARENESS OF FLOW
A friend said to me yesterday that she has a similar sensation when she feels a breeze against her face. She thinks it gives her joy because it reminds her that she’s alive. That makes sense.
Probably there is an inherent joy in an awareness of flow: the flow of energy as it moves inside me; the flow of change when I’m able to shift from stuckness to movement.
I’ve often struggled with being stoic — suppressing the flow of emotions — and maybe the heart-lift I feel is simply the joy of freely expressing what I’m feeling.
WATER’S MANY WAYS
The flow I’m referring to seems quite different to me from other, more dramatic ways that water can move.
Deep rivers winding to the sea.
The crashing of ocean waves against rocks.
The plunge of water over a waterfall.
Waves rushing up the sand before slipping back into the sea.
Tides shaping the continent.
A brook sliding quietly over smooth pebbles.
Still lakes with hidden depths.
Snow melt rushing from high peaks to the plains.
Streams chock-full of boulders.
Cascading rapids.
Rivers carving canyons ever deeper.
Roiling whirlpools.
Fountains and springs.
A wish for you, reader: that one of these photos stirs in you the memory of a simple pleasure that gives your heart a sense of lift inside your chest. It’s a pleasure I never tire of.
Alyce Barry is a Certified Shadow Work® Group Facilitator and Coach in Evanston, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. She is the author of Practically Shameless.
This article originally appeared in our free email newsletter in June 2012. To subscribe, visit our subscription page.
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by Alyce Barry –
In Shadow Work®, we sometimes use the term “core dynamic” to refer to the results of an event or situation that deeply hurt all four primary parts of us simultaneously. [Read more…]
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by Alyce Barry –
Many years ago, a friend of mine became severely ill and nearly died. To everyone’s surprise and delight, he did not die but recovered. [Read more…]
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“Your internal village sounds like it’s in an uproar,” said the counselor calmly.
“No kidding. Wait. My what?” [Read more…]