Giles Carwyn

June 2015, by Junie Moon

I wept today.

Deeply. Old grief appeared and I knew I must release it to be whole, to be healed, to allow joy back in. With the work I do, I know holding on, pushing it aside and ignoring the heartache will just cause more pain. I know too much now to let things just fester.

I honor my feelings. They are great teachers. And so I entered into a sacred space to explore my heart and heal. To move some blocked energy so I can feel free.

You see, my back has been hurting for a few weeks now. I could blame the new exercise program, the sitting on the couch with my computer with not the best posture, or the loss, which I know is the real culprit.

I have been here before. Physical pain appearing, and having me believe there is something wrong with me, that my herniations are kicking up — and you know what? There is something wrong but it isn’t my back. My heart aches.

Is it okay to share this with you? I am a life coach. I guide people. Aren’t I supposed to have my shit together? What will you think? Will you judge me for being weak?

That is exactly why I am sharing this. Perhaps you too have some sadness in you that festers and holds you back in some way. I think vulnerability is strength and not weakness, and I hope as you read what I did to move this grief, you too can release some of what you hold so you too can feel free.

WHAT’S AT RISK FOR YOU TO FEEL?

It is not weakness to feel. To feel is to be human and it is a blessing. What’s at risk for you to feel?

This is the work. To step into a place of truth in the name of transformation. To heal. To embrace what is so, and then move forward feeling lighter and stronger.

So I stepped into the pain — to understand it, to track it and then have the pain lift.

MY PROCESS

This was my process.

First I asked my self what I wanted. And I said I wanted to feel whole, loved and connected. And then I identified the part of me that felt alone, scared, and deeply sad. I also found a part of me that is really pissed off.

I stepped into the vulnerable part and wept. I spoke out loud and said — I feel so sad. I feel so alone. And I cried my eyes out thinking about the loss of my dad, the loss of my son, the loss of my marriage, the loss of my recent partner. I dove into the grief and I let it run its course.

But then something else appeared. The anger.

And so I moved into that part and voiced how angry I was that my father died and I had to feel so alone. How angry I was that my son doesn’t speak to me — which as I voiced it, I heard myself say he discarded me (wow, that’s big) and how he can’t acknowledge the loving mom I had been to him all those years, and I went on with how angry I was that my husband wasn’t able to step into the fire with me and save our marriage. And how angry that I had to step away from the recent relationship because it wasn’t a good fit anymore.

I let it rip. I didn’t censor. I had to let the anger pour out. I had been holding it, not wanting to feel it, scared that if I opened this faucet the damn would explode and I would be a mess.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

There are consequences when we hold ourselves down and don’t express our feelings. Our anger and sadness come out sideways and hurt others and, yes, sometimes ourselves. But by moving through them this way, it is safe. I was alone processing but typically you would be facilitated by a trained Shadow Work® Facilitator or Coach to do this. I share this with you because I want you to know it is ok to feel, to listen to your inner truth, your heart. I share this because I want you to know you are not alone.

And so I continued. I brought in a part that could love me and soothe me. If you remember, I wanted to feel connected and loved, so I needed support in some way. A part that knows how special I am and could offer me words that would help me. And this part held me as I wept.

This part had words like: You are never alone. So many people love you. It’s ok to weep, just know you are loved. You are taken care of. Your father and grandmother are right here with you. Be in stillness so you can feel them with you. Loving you. Seeing you for your beauty.

And this part continued with such beautiful words. I was giving myself a big hug as I listened to this wise woman who knows the truth. Knows that I am ok and that I am surrounded by love. And great reminders of who I really am.

I calmed down. My breathing relaxed and yes my back also felt better.

I HONOR YOUR TRUTH

I share my journey with you because I want you to know you are not alone. You are a beautiful soul having a human experience that sometimes hurts. I hope the message you receive today is to feel. To allow yourself to flow. To be with your truth and not to shut it down. And to reach out for support if you have challenges in this arena.

We are not taught in this culture how to honor our feelings — how to work with them. We have been taught to judge them as weak or scary.

What if there is power in owning your truth? How much more life-force might you experience if you accepted all of you? That is my hope for you.

From my heart to yours, I honor your truth, your light and the beautiful soul you are.

Junie Moon is a certified Shadow Work® Group Facilitator in Oak Ridge, New Jersey. Read more about Junie.

This article originally appeared in our free email newsletter in July 2015. To subscribe, visit our subscription page.

Back to the Articles Menu.

May 2014, by Cindy Vargas

“I am completely baffled, Cindy,” says Betsy as I give her a massage. “I have these 10 pounds that I can’t quite get rid of, no matter what I do.”

And of course I am thinking that I would love to have only 10 pounds to have to try to remove. But that was a momentary lapse into female envy.

She launches into a list of the things she’s done and how it just never works. Massage clients really do ask me these kinds of questions. This one in particular is a composite of questions and stories from several people that I’ve blended so that no one is trackable.

“Do you have any ideas about what I should do?” she says.

Apparently massage therapists can also divine what a person should do to magically lose 10 pounds. I scroll through all the spectacular fails I personally have had on the same subject and decide to try some tools that actually helped me.

DIFFERENT TERRITORY

“What’s bad about losing weight?” I ask.

She is taken aback at such a question. I’m thinking that it’s just a fun way to ask about the risks. In Shadow Work, a lot of the territory we work is about wants and risks.

After several minutes of wondering aloud about what it might cost her if she lost weight, Betsy suddenly realizes that her daughter always wants to have a snack with her before going to bed. And it’s always strawberry ice cream. Her daughter is about to graduate from high school and soon Betsy will have an empty nest. And then it was like the light came on.

“I don’t want to lose that time with her, and I feel like such a party pooper if I don’t join her.”

I’m thinking, “That was easy”. But after a little bit, she pops out with, “But my body sort of aches and bothers me. I don’t feel at ease. My doctor says that there’s nothing wrong with me, but I just don’t feel comfortable.”

It’s not my job to diagnose things for people, and most people don’t like to be reminded that their age might have something to do with the aches, so I’m thinking she’s probably asking for some other kind of help. Like a story.

IN THE KINGDOM

“How about if you imagine a kingdom,” I say. And we start the process of developing what the kingdom in her internal world looks like. After that unfolds, I say, “So now, if you could imagine your body exactly how you’ve described it to me, as a character or a thing in this kingdom, who or what would it be?”

For Shadow Work® facilitators, this is a way to get a part out. Cliff Barry has told me that he often uses his own body aches and pains as sources of information by creating the parts that they play and getting the messages from them. It’s a very useful tool.

“For some silly reason, I see a jester,” she says.

“What’s he or she like?” I say.

“He’s all dressed up and ready to perform.”

“Where is he and what is he doing?”

“He’s locked up in the stable. And he’s banging on the walls, but nobody comes to let him out.”

“How does he feel about that?”

“Sad. Dejected. Like nobody loves him or is delighted to see him.” She muses for a bit. “He just wants some attention.”

“Who does he want to give him attention?” I ask.

“The Queen.”

“Where’s the Queen?”

“She’s up in a tower looking over the land. She’s a really nice queen and she loves her people.”

“Does she know about the jester being locked up in the stable?”

“No. She doesn’t.”

“So who does?”

“The butler does.”

“Do the Queen and the butler talk?”

“Oh, yes.”

“So now that you know that the jester is sad and dejected in the stable, and that the Queen doesn’t realize it but the butler knows, what do you want to have happen to the jester?”

THE BIG WANT

“The butler needs to tell the Queen, and the Queen will send for the jester and ask him to perform for her and the royal family, and she will clap for him and tell him she does care about him and not let him get locked up anymore.” She continues this description of what she sees happening in her mind and doesn’t realize that tears are slipping down her face.

“I haven’t loved my body very much, you know.”

“I hear you,” I say.

“And all it wants is for me to pay attention to it and love it.”

And so ends the massage session with her decision to take an Epsom salts bath with essential oils and to drink more water. I might have suggested that option but she was listening to the jester and thought it up for herself.

There are lots of ways to think about a jester wanting attention and delight and what it says to a person about what her body might need. But the real gain was what Betsy wanted and needed for herself; not what I might see would be a good plan. And if she wants to explore the story further, she can ask herself who in the kingdom might have wanted to lock the jester up and why. Fun thoughts like that.

This story is somewhat true and somewhat fiction. Like most stories. The human imagination is astonishing, and I’ve had a parade of kings, queens, children, dragons, lethal mists, bunnies, magicians, cloaked dark men, talking trees, scribes, birds, scrolls, quicksand, a blue womb and Gandalf, cross my story line and my massage table. And now I’ve met a jester who wants attention.

Makes sense to me.

Cindy Vargas is a Certified Shadow Work® Coach, Certified Shadow Work® Group Facilitator, and Licensed Massage Therapist in Phoenix, Arizona. Read more about Cindy.

This article originally appeared in our free email newsletter in May 2014. To subscribe, visit our subscription page.

Back to the Articles Menu.

Confessions of a Life Coach

What Does the Jester Want?