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Looking for Love in All the "Wrong" Places


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September 2015, by Junie Moon Schreiber

Junie Moon Schreiber Shadow Work Facilitator Kinnelon New Jersey

THE DANCE OF RELATIONSHIPS AFFECTS EVERYTHING

We crave it. We seek it. We can be confused by it and feel betrayed by it. The "it" I am speaking about is LOVE.

We all are looking for love and want to find that someone special to share our life with, right? Well I want to tell you about some pretty big aha moments I have experienced recently in the world of dating that I believe can catapult you to new depths in the love arena.

For some of you, those that are in a relationship, you might think, "I donít need this blog. Iíve got this relationship stuff down and I am happy."

I encourage you to read on. You just might find some of your own big aha moments because the dance of relationships affects everything.

I have been doing the online dating thang. Ooh baby, loads of fun! Not! Want to grow? It is an amazing playground for your stuff to get stirred up and see where there is more work to be done.

I want to find my special someone. To have a partner in crime who can meet my heart and mind. Someone I donít have to translate with, but who knows me, gets me, and can ride the life journey with me. I know you know exactly what I mean and want that too.

INSECURITIES BEGIN TO EMERGE

Getting back "out there" was exciting. Fresh slate. New beginnings. I was truly happy to see who will be my next great love. But I also noticed an old familiar pit in my stomach. There was an uneasy, uncomfortable nagging feeling in my solar plexus. My insecurity began to emerge.

I found my "not good enough" voice popping up. Thoughts like, "Will he like me?"†"Am I fit enough or pretty enough?"

Really? After all this work I still have this in me?

At first it freaked me. I couldnít believe I was feeling the fears of inadequacy, but then I realized how different it was now and how different I am now.

Who are you now? What love tools do you have to help you navigate through the relationship maze toward feeling whole?

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Here are some of my love navigation tools:

Love Tool #1: My body. It was my body that sounded the alarm which created my knotted stomach. That was a great sign telling me to slow down and ask myself whatís up? Where am I not in alignment? What needs to change or what do I need?

I was saying yes to dates with men that were not good fits for me. I had old programming looking for love in all the wrong places. Sound familiar? My body spoke, and I listened.

Where might you be betraying your values? Your body will tell you if you listen. It sends signals. It has great wisdom.

Love Tool #2: The next tool was my ability to sit with this discomfort. I have listened deeply to its voice. I did not push it aside. I did not eat a whole box of cookies or start to smoke to numb out. I breathed. I felt the pulls in my belly having me question my worth. I dove deep into myself to explore what this voice really is about and why it has appeared, and I found the answer. Love yourself!

LOVE IN ALIGNMENT WITH YOUR CORE VALUES

I realize now the very important piece to this relationship puzzle I missed back in the past was love. Loving myself. Crazy! I never really asked myself what I want!

Have you really asked yourself what kind of relationship you want and how you want to feel?

That comes back to the #1 tool again which is alignment with your core values. You need to know what you value most, so you can be led to what is most important and not compromise what you hold most dear.

In the past I had been so focused on my shortcomings and trying to be good enough, I never took the time to invite in the dream life I desired. I never invited the partner with whom I wanted to dance.

And do I like him?!!! What kind of life do I want? How do I want to feel? What will make me happy? Is he really for me? What is important to me?

You might be thinking this sounds so selfish. But, itís the GOOD kind of selfish. To know yourself allows you to open up to the truth of who you really are and then attract your partner. Make sense?

In the past, I compromised my values. Donít get me wrong, I have had amazing, off-the-charts love in my life, but there was also great cost because I settled for men that were not a great fit in important ways. I had my fears stemming from my lack, which had me make poor choices.

DATING IS A DEEP SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

What if you could feel full and then look for your partner? Or if you have a partner now, fill your love tank with deep self-love, and then welcome your yummy mate as the cherry on the cake? Not make your mate the whole cake! A heck of a lot less pressure on your mate and a lot more stability for you because itís you loving you.

A couple of months back I shared with you that I was in love. And I still am. I am deeply in love with myself and continue to date myself. I remain curious about myself, and who I am now at this stage of life and what really brings me joy. I want to feel happy in my heart on a regular basis, and feeding my soul is my food for growing a joyful life.

Dating is a deep spiritual practice, and I suggest you continue to:

Love Tool #3: Date yourself (and others of course, but donít forget about you). When you meet someone new, there is such great curiosity. Have curiosity about you. Learn about yourself. What do you like? What dreams do you have and what is important to you? See who fits your life blueprint. It is then when the stars will align, and the angels will sing.

People date (and marry) their shadows, the parts of themselves that need healing. So continue to do your inner work, love yourself, and be open to the greatest love of your life - yourself. When you are whole, you will attract another whole person that fits your healthy self and not the dysfunctional part. Doesnít that sound like what you want? It does to me!

To pick up Junie Moonís FREE ebook How to Tame Your Inner Critic, click here.

 

Junie Moon Schreiber is a Certified Shadow Work® Group Facilitator in Kinnelon, New Jersey. Read more about Junie.

This article originally appeared in our free email newsletter in September 2015. To subscribe, visit our subscription page.

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